Nerves are a normal
part of the speaking process, but nerves can also make you a sour note in an
otherwise lovely event if left unchecked. When delivering a wedding toast, it's
normal for your hands to shake, your throat to go dry and your pace to quicken,
but you need to be able to overcome this response if you want these few minutes
to be remembered for the right reasons. Very few people feel at ease when
speaking in front of others. In fact, the body actually goes into a mild form of
fight or flight during stressful situations.
You might suddenly feel
cold or shaky, and you may even stumble a bit in your speech. The key to
avoiding this is by not viewing the situation as stressful, and you can do this
by practicing frequently beforehand. Start crafting your speech as early as
possible. Create an outline immediately, and write notes about your speaking
points. Over a few days, flesh out what stories you'd like to tell and any
words you'd like to impart. Find out the length of your speech before you begin
writing. Every page will take you roughly a minute, so keep the time in mind
when you're writing. If you aren't sure what to write about, break your speech
into three parts. Begin by introducing yourself and how you met your friends.
This is an appropriate
place to add a story. After that, focus on the couple. Talk about how they met
each other and how you met them. Talk about their progression and what events
led them to marriage. Finish by thanking the bride and groom and wishing them
the best. If you aren't sure about the
tone of the piece, ask around to find someone who has written a toast before.
Ask them what they did to prepare. Don't copy their methods, especially if
they're in the bridal party, but take their advice and adapt it to your own
situation when you're stuck. If you don't know anyone who has given a wedding
toast, think of people you know who have to speak often.
These people may be in
management or have some sort of position in the community like church leader or
teacher. Ask them what they do to prepare for their speeches. If there's a
public speaker you admire, look up one of their speeches on YouTube, and pay
attention to the way they deliver their speech. Consider getting involved in an
organization like Toastmasters. A driving force in leadership and
communication, they can help you get on the right track and get comfortable
with public speaking. While working with them, you'll develop your confidence
and learn about gauging audience feedback, how to maintain eye contact, how to
adjust the pacing, tone and volume of your speaking, how to gesture effectively
and how to deliver strong material.
Once your speech is
written, practice, practice, practice. Use any free time to go over your
speech, even if it's in the shower or on the way to work. Record yourself
giving the speech, and speak along with it. Practice delivering your speech
differently by adjusting your tone, including pauses or even adding natural
elements like laughter. When you play it back, you'll be able to gauge how well
your speech is coming along and make adjustments where necessary. Keep in mind
that a wedding is a happy occasion, so try not to be overly serious.
Your toast is a time to
take everyone together through a reflective journey, and you want to be
welcoming and warm, not stiff and stern. The people in the wedding party just
want to have a good time, so don't be afraid to laugh along with them.
Appropriate jokes capture your audience, and it shows that you can be relaxed
while still being professional. A point
many speakers forget is how to breathe. You don't want to be gasping for air at
the end of your sentences, and you don't want to be taking a breath every few
seconds. Practice delivering your sentences naturally as you would in conversation,
and take a deep breath if you need to steady yourself.
If you're confident in
your delivery, this will come off more like a pause than a period of
realignment. Keep your body relaxed with your knees slightly bent, and allow
your shoulders to drop a little to keep tension out of your neck. The bottom
line is that your friends and loved ones believe in you, and they aren't going
to even know you're nervous unless you let them. They wanted to hear you speak
for a reason. As long as you take the time to practice beforehand, you'll
deliver a speech on the wedding day that the couple will remember for life.
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